this is probably my last post on this blog, srry dj. dude real world is gonna suck cuz shit like this wont happen. this is an email i sent to my buddy tim whose over in thailand & is desperate for college nostalgia

On Fri, Oct 30, 2009 at 9:09 AM, XXXXXX wrote:

im writing this cuz i got woken up at 8am and cant go back to bed...you'll appreciate this 1 + Garcia was there and he copped out 2x cuz of "work".

Went over to our favorite place kappa sig last night and got foul once again. i love how that place brings it out of me. Came there wasted already and went straight to the bar...it was a costume party for halloween so girls dressed real slutty and i went to the bar and started talking to this girl dressed as like dorothy from wizard of oz and she was more fucked up than I was. +1. we start making out, she says you wanna take a shot...I know she shouldnt cuz shes already sloppy as fuck but other part of me says fuck it lets see what happens so naturally i say "of course". Take the shot, immediately afterwards she falls over backwards on the ground...I run away laughing and then my laughter turns into puke as I start vomiting all over the Kappa Sig staircase. Run back down to the dancefloor with puke all over my shirt and probably smelling awful but I was in Ethan Matkin mode...drunk, creepy, and ready for the floor. Get down w/ a few girls and find the sluttiest looking girl dressed in risky business tom cruise outfit and am getting after it w/ her. she introduces me to her asian friend, i start hooking up w/ the asian friend. ive got asian friend in the bag at this point post-vomiting all over the place and then as we are leaving her friend comes running out and ruins everything.

shoulda joined kappa sig

Cougar Huntin'

If you're like Phil Trapp and have gotten so much college/ twentysomething snatch that you can smell an STD a mile away, then you may be in the market for something new...well not that new. I'm talking, about Stifflers mom, the COUGAR.

From my favorite website brobible.com (well tied with broslikethissite.com) comes the Field guide to cougars.

http://www.brobible.com/Story/50459

...enjoy

3 course meal

well I hope your parents or your future employer doesnt find this BUT they inevitably will, lets be honest...its the fuckin internet.

I dont know how to follow such encouraging words towards women however I will echo the thoughts of many people.

Ladies, if this is your idea of a protein shake....

...then try one of these for dessert

A troubling issue

Guys,

I'd like to discuss a very important issue in all of our lives; blowjobs. There used to be a time when classy ladies would gratefully get on their knees and perform the wonderful act of fellatio until you came, either in one of her orifices or on your self. However, my good friends, times have changed. The "blowjob with the intent to cum" has gone by the wayside.

Now-a-days, the "Blow J" is seen as a stepping stone on the way to sex, if even given at all. Some girls refuse to do it, saying "ew, i dont give head" while other girls may give blowies on the reg. Either way, these blow jobs are just a warm up for the main event- the main event obviously being sex a.k.a. having a seizure while being inside of a nice, respectable young woman.

Here are the benefits to "intent to cum BJ's" versus "pre-sex BJ's"

• You dont have to try to hold on longer because u know there is sex to be had
• You can have bad sex, you can't have a bad BJ
• During sex you always imagine someone else, during a BJ, it doesn't matter what she looks like
• It is easier to never call back a girl who only blew you, plus they are less clingy
• You dont have to worry about bein a 3 pump chump and her tellin her friends
• With the girls face so close to your penis, you are 73% more likely to either

A) Bust in her face

B) Bust in her hair (bonus points)

or C) Have her swallow- the most amazing thing there is

So my dear friends, as you can clearly see we need to bring back BJ's with the intent to cum. Next time a girl is going down on you and is expecting sex in return, say "fuck that" and let her keep slobbin the knob until you blow like Shamu...

Pacman Joel-- OUT

I couldn't be more proud of Joel

Joel, bless his altruistic soul, is taking time out of his busy schedule to create a blog for us all to stay in touch. But although Joel's philanthropic actions have touched us all, let us not forget what this blog is truly for... to "hate". So let me be the first:

Joel- you served yourself way better than anyone could have
Mike- screw your expensive Crossfit membership (yea, pure jealousy)
Harjit- I hope the family business(slangin' drugs) is going well
Trapp- He finally found the hippy job he has been looking for
BrAndAn- I went to see him play last weekend, this dude is actually growing grey hair from all of the fondling he has to do
Felby- I love how convincing you were (lied your face off!) to get that Activision job
Cory- Your fantasy team is so awful please find a way to deactivate so you don't waste anymore of our time
Me- for all who don't know, I am working for a real estate company. But I don't have a license yet. So for all you idiot's(Joel and Souza(random cut)) who don't know what that means, I make NO money!

Tonight

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Well I thought I had a bright future….Went to a top California prep school, played an elitist sport, graduated college in four years. It is currently a Thursday at 11:50 AM and I am writing a blog while anticipating getting black out drunk tonight, instead of being at work like any normal person just out of college should be. My two roommates, Cory Schaeffler and Mike Silverman are at school, becoming productive members of society. Unlike them my day will probably consist of:

1. Waking up at 11- because I can… and only cause Cory was an asshole and decided to harass me.
2. Next I decided to work on a blog that my friends forced me into creating, just for their own amusement, and sad enough, it is the most productive thing i have done in weeks….. FUCK MY LIFE.
3. I will probably end up getting bored when Cory and Mike go to work out, and running across a hot girl in an ad photo (on a completely legitimate site) this will spark a boner in my pants and I will then spend the next hour looking for the best and latest in “amateur teen porn”
4. Go to Chipotle- nothing funny about that, unless u saw the South Park last night (CHIPOtLEAWAY… thanks Billy Mays)
5. Cory and Mike will start studying after coming home from their lift…this is where I really feel worthless, but lucky for me, it’s nap time
6. Wake up from nap- drink the blue moons that someone with a job bought and left in my fridge, take the free light rail downtown, go to Jacksons $10 all you can drink (YES THERE IS A GOD). Proceed to black out…

Will update later with where the night goes from here….